So today I went to a baby shower which was actually fun. We just sat, ate and drank. But I was one of 3 people out of 12 that didn’t have a baby/babies. Even though I’ve been with my boyfriend 12.5 years people don’t ask us about when we are having babies because we aren’t married. Go old school conventions in this respect.

But that in itself is such a strange thing. Why do people have to be married to have babies to fit into social convention in this day and age? It is not like it is a physical thing but society still kinda dictates that you can’t have babies till you are married. Which poses a dilemma for me, or is it really because I live to the motto as Pennywise so eloquently  said F*** Authority, but I don’t ever want to be married. I love George to no end, but I’ve never been one of those girls to plan my wedding and I honestly don’t care. That piece of paper doesn’t matter to me.

I don’t have anything against weddings, actually I love them, but I can’t organise my own. I’m a control freak and I know I will turn into a horrible person and it will cause such stress to myself that I just can’t. But weddings aside, babies scare the shit out of me. Being 30, most of my friends have at least one kid. I can’t hold a baby unless I’m sitting down. I just don’t trust myself. I also don’t have any real maternal instincts. I never have and as much as people say to me “you’ll change your mind on children as you get older”, honestly, my want for children has diminished.

I’ll never say never because you can never predict the future, but if I don’t have a baby I don’t think t will be the end of the world.